Download e-book for iPad: Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic by Richard A. Isay

By Richard A. Isay

"What's love bought to do with it? every thing, in accordance with Richard Isay's educated and illuminating examine the function of romance in sleek homosexual lifestyles. I hugely suggest this ebook for individuals of any iteration and partnership status."--Dean H. Hamer, Ph.D., writer of The technological know-how of hope and The God Gene"Richard Isay deals anything much better than easy bromides and fake wish. during this booklet, he demanding situations us with a provocative, illuminating, and finally hopeful examine ourselves and explains how these people who yearn to like and be enjoyed (and who doesn't?) can most sensible locate happiness and therapeutic in a dedicated relationship."--Eric Marcus, writer of The Male Couple's consultant and jointly Forever"Many homosexual males (and others, too) tend to locate this e-book tremendously fascinating and worthwhile. In a sequence of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's intensity and readability of perception, Richard Isay lucidly explains why homosexual males have specific trouble in setting up and maintaining loving relationships and the way they may sensibly increase their possibilities of doing so."--Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph.D., writer of On Bullshit and the explanations of Love"Richard Isay's portrayals of homosexual men's lives usually are arguable. Isay isn't the stereotypical psychoanalyst who sits quietly whereas his sufferers ramble--and we are the entire larger for that. He has whatever to claim and what he says is worthy listening to. This provocative booklet will be learn via someone who yearns for yet hasn't but chanced on actual love."--William Rubenstein, Founding Director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation legislations and previous Director of the ACLU Lesbian & homosexual Rights Project"Based on Dr. Isay's 3 many years of expertise operating with homosexual males in treatment, this can be a deeply considerate research of the problems homosexual males may possibly adventure with falling and staying in love. For a homosexual guy, studying this publication could cause him to revisit a few darkish locations alongside his personal life's trip, however it also will supply him a glimpse of the self-affirmation and capability for swap which are the ambitions of gay-positive psychotherapy."--Simon LeVay, Ph.D., writer of Human Sexuality and Queer Science"Indispensable insights from America's wisest observer of homosexual relationships."--Charles Kaiser, writer of The homosexual Metropolis"Gay humans search the liberty to marry for a similar mixture of purposes as non-gay humans, and for many, love and dedication are valuable. Drawing on his unparalleled services and many years of news from his sufferers, Richard Isay explores the demanding situations and price of romantic love--how to beat our pasts and increase our current lives at home--as we construct a way forward for better equality and inclusion in society."--Evan Wolfson, writer of Why Marriage concerns

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Additional resources for Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

Example text

They had started to take Ecstasy together from time to time to recapture the warm and loving feelings that had characterized the first two years of their relationship. qxd 3/9/06 38 10:58 AM Page 38 commitment and healing Most of the gay men I work with have found it hard to include sexual passion in their loving partnership. After making a commitment, which may take the form of moving in together as Ben and Aaron had done, being convinced that “this is the person I want to spend my life with,” making an explicit and formal domestic partnership agreement, or having a marriage ceremony, most gay men find they cannot sustain their attraction and desire.

Like many gay adults, he craved sexual attention. He worked out regularly to get this attention and to feel and appear more masculine. He found it more difficult to need another person than to be the object of another’s sexual desire. He was now embarrassed by his need for love, which made him feel dependent and feminine. . qxd 3/9/06 10:56 AM Page 27 why is it difficult to need love? 27 A close bond usually forms between a homosexual boy and his mother because of their many shared traits and interests.

Andrew Sullivan compares romantic love unfavorably to friendship in his book Love Undetectable: “In almost every regard, friendship delivers what love promises but fails to provide. . Where love is swift, for example, friendship is slow. qxd 3/9/06 32 10:56 AM Page 32 commitment and healing ripens with time. ” Reliance on extended family, a heterosexual spouse, or friends, in concert with random sexual experiences, is not the only means by which gay men attempt to compensate for their need for the love of another man, as well as avoid the hurt and the rejection they learned from their relationships with parents and then with peers in adolescence.

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