Download e-book for kindle: Ants Have Sex in Your Beer by David Shrigley

By David Shrigley

This all-new selection of David Shrigley's addictively unusual and wonderful paintings unearths clean, unsettling truths and concerned amusements in a structure that welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the trustworthy.

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In a way it’s a blessing that smoking shortens your life a bit. Think of the money that will save you. 43 So all in all as a sixty-year-old, the combined cost of ruining your health with booze and fags and perhaps ruining your sanity by having a family could have amounted to £725,377. Wouldn’t it be terrible if the bill for all of this appeared in your letterbox tomorrow? 44 PEOPLE WHO ACHIEVED GREAT THINGS AFTER THE AGE OF 60 Winston Churchill was 65 when he became wartime leader. John Wayne didn’t get his first Oscar until the age of 62.

Your own stairlift 32 Reduced prices on just about everything – except health insurance The fashion trends of your youth becoming recognised as classics Only 15 years till you qualify for a winter fuel allowance Never having to work again – no matter how much you might want to 33 New hips – at long last you can be genuinely bionic! ’ = ‘Congratulations! ’ 39 STATISTICALLY SPEAKING Now some worrying information. According to a recent survey the average cost of raising children is £7,889 per year or around £165,669 if you’re stuck with them up to their twenty-first birthday.

So that’s £582,482 you could have forked out just on having a family. Take a good look at them. Be honest with yourself. Was it really worth it? 41 Well of course it was! Don’t fret for a moment over the fact that the individuals shuffling miserably round your kitchen have cost you the equivalent of a really good win on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Meanwhile, if you’ve drunk two pints of beer each and every day since you were 18, (and who could blame you with your family) that would represent a lifetime’s consumption of 30,680 pints.

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